It's You Time: Tips for Healing Post-Breakup
Looking for the "Right" therapist or wellness coach can be challenging even after you have made the decision to seek support. Onward partner, My Wellbeing streamlines that process with a digital matchmaking solution to a great ecosystem of mental health professionals. You share your preferences through a brief, free questionnaire and My Wellbeing will send you 3 therapist matches, right to your inbox. It's that simple. Here with tips on how to manage the breakup healing process is My Wellbeing founder and CEO, Alyssa Petersel, a therapist and award-winning author.
If you’re a fan of Marie Kondo, you’ll likely also be a fan of kintsukuroi, or “golden repair”: the Japanese art of repairing broken things by filling the cracks with gold or silver, understanding that the piece is more beautiful having been broken.
Taking care of yourself after a breakup is your kintsukuroi.
The following tips are intended to help you return to center, understanding that despite our breaking -- or really, because of it -- breakups can actually help us grow into a stronger, more fulfilled versions of ourselves.
1. Celebrate the small victories
Re-learning your wants and needs following a breakup can be an overwhelming challenge. Break down big, potentially intimidating future goals, like “I want to fall in love,” into smaller, attainable goals that are more in your control, like “I want to reach out to 3 people on Bumble this month.”
When you do put yourself out there and chip away at your goals, celebrate them. Even the smallest, simplest victories. It’s not easy and you’ve earned it.
2. Set boundaries
It won’t take long for your friends and family to ask you whether you’ve downloaded the apps and who they can set you up with at work.
You may need some time to get back out there. Practice a few one liners that you can lean on if you’re not yet ready to swipe.
Be honest with yourself about what you actually want to do on the weekend. If you need a few extra nights of reading or Netflix, take them. There is no expiration date for processing a breakup.
3. Go to therapy
Sometimes, we feel pressure from ourselves or our loved ones (often both) to put on a brave face and “just get over it” and “put ourselves out there.” That’s a lot harder than it sounds.
Therapy is a safe space where not only can we be raw and vulnerable for as long as we want without fear of being judged or shamed, but we can actually make meaning of the past relationship and start to identify what we want to carry with us in future relationships vs. what we want to let go of.
We learn, one day at a time, as we integrate what we’re learning about our wants and needs into our friendships and romantic relationships, our future selves are actually happier than our previous selves could have been with our previous partner(s). That sounds like gold to me.
Learn more and get started at mywellbeing.com or connect with My Wellbeing on Instagram for free wellness tips @findmywellbeing. We’re all ears.