Why Divorced Men do Great at the Dating Game
This week's guest wisdom comes to us from Connell Barrett, founder and executive coach of DatingTransformation.com, who works with male clients to cultivate their authentic selves and build rewarding dating lives. We are thrilled to share Connell's tips on restoring your relationship confidence post-breakup.
It’s been said that divorce is like construction: It always takes longer and costs more than predicted.
Untying the knot is often traumatic. The death of love, the division of assets, the pain the kids endure—it can take a toll. “Divorce is ripping your heart out through your wallet,” Robin Williams once said.
A bad breakup hardly puts a man in the best mindset to enjoy dating. And many guys think they’re unattractive to women BECAUSE they’re divorced.
As a dating expert (and a divorced dude) who coaches lots of newly-single guys, I get it. I remember how intimidated I felt returning to the dating game.
The good news? Men don’t need to wear a scarlet “D” on dates. In fact, lots of bright, beautiful women see divorced men as great catches.
Take my client James, 53. When he came to me, James was still emotionally hungover from the end of a 21-year marriage. “I haven’t approached a woman since Clinton was president,” he told me. Using my strategies, James rebuilt his confidence and soon had a beautiful, 31-year-old girlfriend named Sofia.
If you’re divorced or separated, take heart, gents. Here are three reasons why you can have amazing dating success:
1: You Have Character
Hemingway wrote, “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.” You made it through the trauma of divorce, which built character. And women want men with character. You’ve lived, loved, lost. You have stories to tell. You’re like a vintage leather bomber jacket—weathered, yes, but enduring, well-made and authentic.
2: You Can Commit
I’ve met countless women who wish they could find a good guy who’s willing to commit. Far too many men head for the hills at the first sign of a real relationship, yet you’ve shown that you can go the distance. This gives you an edge on your dating competition.
3: You’re in the Golden Age of Online Dating
From Tinder to Bumble to Happn to Hinge—there are almost as many dating apps as there are daters. With more than 40 million Americans looking for love online, you’ve never had more choice. If you’re not sure which way to swipe, no worries. When you learn the basics (such as creating a good profile), getting matches and dates is easier and faster than ever.
BONUS! Are you a single dad? Well, lots of women dig your type. My ex-girlfriend Lauren used to go to Central Park with her girlfriends to, as she said, “Check out the DILFs.” (Dads I’d Like To…) And no wonder. A man with a good job is attractive, and being a parent is the most important job there is. It shows that you’re giving, protective and patient, among many virtues. If you’re a single father, don’t hide it. Lean into it.
Just go easy on the dad jokes on the first date.
Connell Barrett is the executive coach at DatingTransformation.com. He teaches men to become authentic so that they can make genuine connections with amazing women. He’s coached thousands of guys all over the world, from New York to New Delhi. Connell has also contributed to Oprah Magazine, Playboy and Cosmo, and has appeared on Access Hollywood and the TODAY Show.